To Move In Or Not To Move In

A lot of the stories that I hear weekly have to do with people who were traveling and met someone special. There is love or a spark, at least a promising friendship and the long distance communication begins.

After a while, Skype, Facetime and texting become hard to endure, so the subject of one moving to the other person’s country or city arises.

The general complication with this is not the traveling or the money, as we are in an era that allows easy access to the rest of the world. The issue is whether moving in with someone you have only met for a short while and talked to endless hours, is a safe and smart decision. The person moving usually has not lived in that area before, does not have a job there and, at least the younger generation, does not have the means to rent a space on their own.

Moving in with a significant other generally has a process that involves getting to know each other live and in person. You have a chance to discover the best sides and the not so pretty sides before your clothes are in their closets and their snoring keeps you awake every night.

I have found that the decision to move in directly with someone without this process has two characteristics important to consider, especially when the relationship starts getting a little difficult (as all relationships do eventually).

1. The person who moved becomes dependent on the other person in many ways, whether they want to or not. The language, the friends, the family, the understanding of the culture all belongs to the person who stayed. There is a period of time in which lots of questions are asked and there is a need for constant help and guidance.

2. The emotions that emerge in an early relationship seem to be magnified by the pressure of living together. Every fight seems big. Every bit of anger seems like a threat to the relationship. Every disagreement comes back to questioning the move itself.

That being said, I think that these factors can eventually evolve into a positive equilibrium, but before that happens, the relationship becomes intense. It can be resolved if it is worked on.

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