Limited Options

One of the common reasons couples come into therapy for is because they need to make a decision about something. An important decision. Something that will change their life forever. And they have different perspectives on what to do.

Couples that ask for an appointment when they come to a decision like this usually want some guidance over which of the two choices is best. Each person has their own point of view on the issue at hand and very good reasons to support that decision.

The weight of “forever” or “permanency” on the decision generally makes the importance of choosing the “correct” path vital. It also confuses both parts of the couple into believing that there actually are only two choices, that one of them is necessarily better than the other and that the decision is actually irreversible. And the therapist is expected to evaluate and vote for one of the options.

After exploring the issues, it is possible to come up with a variety of possible solutions that allow the couple more flexibility and lowers the “definitive” quality of all of the choices. Many times a couple has spent so much time supporting a certain position on a matter that they have not realized that they were offered some sort of alternative solution in the process.

When faced with a life decision, do you look at other perspectives? Do you evaluate all of the possible scenarios or spend time trying to defend your own choice? Do you take into account that there are factors that cannot be controlled in the outcome? Do you tend to look  at things as permanent, when there is a possibility that they might not be?

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